COUNSELING IS NOT JUST ABOUT SITTING AROUND TALKING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS WHILE YOUR LIFE REMAINS THE SAME.
NOR IS IT GETTING PUMPED UP TO TAKE ACTION WITHOUT GAINING ANY REAL RESOURCES TO SUSTAIN YOUR INSPIRATION. REAL SUPPORT INVOLVES A REAL LIVE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU, A GUIDE AND YOUR GOALS AND STRUGGLES. AS WE DEEPEN OUR UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT'S REALLY IN YOUR WAY, THE PURPOSE OF YOUR STRUGGLE REVEALS THE PATH FORWARD. WE GUIDE EACH OTHER.
MOST OF THE WORK I DO WITH CLIENTS
FALLS INTO THESE AREAS OF MEANING:
Acquiring skills and resources that we've not yet had a chance to learn.
Your basic experience is determined by what you are resourced by. We all have different internal resources and deficiencies. Adding new skills to your toolbox will change your understanding of what is possible, available and achievable.
Growth work involves 1) understanding your strengths, 2) learning about your deficiencies, 3) acquiring new skills where necessary, and 4) coming into better balance with capacities that are overdeveloped.
Together we'll learn what resources you need to acquire in order to live the life you want, then help you acquire them, while balancing how you use your current set of tools.
Examples of skills include: boundaries, resilience, accessing and metabolizing emotion, regulating emotion, understanding your own needs, time management, stress tolerance, decisiveness, fear management, frustration tolerance, goal setting, focus, asking for help, emotional intelligence, accessing your felt sense and the list goes on.....
De-conditioning from the ways cultural norms and social identities confine us. Deconstructing limiting beliefs.
Cultural norms are part of the fabric that holds our communities together. AND cultural norms create limited human operating systems, fixed identities, and many 'should's' and 'supposed to's'. Conditioning can be like a trap you don't even know you are in.
Liberation is becoming aware of and calling into question the cultural concepts and social forces that limit us like invisible fences. Together, we'll experiment with stepping outside of ordinary reality to see who you become minus all you've been told to do and be.
To do that, we will get curious about the default operating system that got installed in you before you knew you could choose your own. We'll upgrade, cut, and add new programs where it seems right, and keep what works. And if we do it right, you'll feel more free to be your natural self.
Metabolizing emotion, feeling feelings we were not able to feel when we got hurt. Rectifying past hurts with present experience.
Humans are designed as open systems, and as open systems, we are vulnerable to hurt. Unhealed hurt's cause us to turn from, protect or fight against anything that has the slightest similarity to the original hurt. Unhealed hurts make feeling safe and grounded elusive, put us in a state of unnecessary vigilance, and limit our creativity and vitality.
Healing is the gentle process of restoring your natural self by metabolizing feelings and states that get stuck in us when we get hurt. Healing is about separating past distress from present reality and re-evaluating actual threat from past wounds. Healing can often involve grief for what we've lost in the process of being hurt.
You CAN heal, and its hard to do alone. A witness and skilled support speed up the process. As you heal your sense of personal safety returns, old triggers fall away, a wider range of life opens up.